It's All Your Fault

"Paul Rudnick makes me lie hysterical on the floor, screeching with laughter and sobbing with fury that I can't write the way he does." -- E. Lockhart, author of "We Were Liars"and "The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks"
My name is Caitlin and up until forty-eight hours ago I had nev [...]
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"Paul Rudnick makes me lie hysterical on the floor, screeching with laughter and sobbing with fury that I can't write the way he does." -- E. Lockhart, author of "We Were Liars"and "The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks"
My name is Caitlin and up until forty-eight hours ago I had never:
Tasted alcohol, kissed a boy, sang in public at the top of my lungs, kidnapped anyone or -- WHAT? STOLEN A CONVERTIBLE?
Now I'm in jail and I have no idea what I'm going to tell:
The police, my parents, the mayor, all of those camera crews and everyone on Twitter.
I have just noticed that:
My nose is pierced and I have-WAIT? IS THAT A TATTOO?
I blame one person for this entire insane weekend:
My famous cousin.
Who is also my former best friend.
Who I have HATED for the past four years.
Who I miss like crazy. NO I DON'T
IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, HELLER HARRIGAN
"